“Dressing us up and trying to make us act like someone other than ourselvds won’t keep us from embarassing you. I’m disappointed you never learned that.”
I’m showing up in flip flops and making scene
Why bother flying there to just cause problems. Just send them back a text that says you wont support her lying to his family and if your embarrassed of who we are then it’s best we don’t attend.
It’s a free vacation?
A free “vacation” where you have to play dress up and pretend to be someone you’re not? No thanks.
Accept the travel arrangements, then do your own thing instead of hanging out with the stiffs.
That’s why we say fuck that wear flip flops and cause problems, either the rich people are fun and it’s fine or they deserve it.
To check if your daughters new family is fine and she’s just stupid, or if they’re evil capitalists that somehow brainwashed her?
I’ll be the one dressed up as, acting like, and quoting Rodney Dangerfield from caddyshack.
Her: no offense but
Narrator: but there was much offense
I thought that looked more like Gordon, but its an extra old episode of Thomas.
And in looking that up, I also learned that face is Thomas reacting to an asshole cop. TIL
Urgh, I’m not sure I would want to attend. If it was a wedding I would swallow my pride but for a party it’s probably not worth it.
I’m with you. Just say that you have a thing in the French Riviera or some shit and won’t be back in time. Here’s a $35 Walmart gift card.
Bonus points if you scribble in a “le Walmart” with a sharpie
As someone who is moderately successful and lives in a major Metropolitan area but had a poor, country upbringing; I get it.
I have tried taking my parents to nice upscale restaurants, both so that they could experience something they otherwise would never have been able to and also as a showcase to them of my success. It was very clear that they did not fit into those environments and I have since stopped trying to bring them up and just meet them where they are, but I do get it.
I’m from a reasonably upper-middle class background; reasonably successful in a top-10 metro. So’s my brother, but he’s gone the McMansion & country club route where I’ve tended more modest. I don’t like visiting them. Their environment just rings all my class warfare buttons, triggers all my “you don’t belong here” warnings & the obsequiousness at the restaurants & venues they prefer is just gross. I mean, I’m a middle-aged white guy, dressed like all the other mf’s in the neighborhood, so I do “belong;” it just feels wrong.
Everybody gotta find their own comfort zone, and we have to appreciate that our friends & family can have different tastes. Sometimes, that does mean dressing up in funny costume & hanging out in uncomfortable spaces to share in their joy, but there’s tactful ways to explain/prepare your fam for unfamiliar situations, and there’s “Come here and let me dress you.”
I grew up where my dad’s family was rich (but not mcmansion country club people) and my moms family was dirt poor. They divorced and I grew up with my mom and saw her struggle to feed us and had to work as soon as I was old enough. I like to think I saw both sides, but definitely had more privilege than most.
Those mcmansion people are the worst. My step dad’s brother was one, and he embezzled his own mother’s life savings and lost them. I’ve met tons of them through my dad’s connections and hearing them talk about how workers always wanted too much while owning multiple homes, new luxury cars, and staying in huge hotel suites was gross (I got brought to a few penthouse parties).
I’ve seen my mom penny pinch, but I never had to feel the struggle that poor people do fully. My grandparents were rich but would always look after people (there was a lineup to my grandpa’s funeral because the church couldn’t fit everyone). Mcmansion rich people are the worst. They can do so much more for their community but they’d rather have stuff and luxury.
Sorry if prying, but why didn’t your mother just get alimony? Easier to get if the other parent has good income, no?
I’ve experienced this to a similar degree. Most of my family are small town people and I grew up without money in a small town. I moved to Chicago where I’ve been relatively successful and want to share some of the experiences I’ve had with the people I love. But I think the best test of whether or not I can actually include someone in certain activities is how they show up to a funeral. The reason that this is a good test is because you can tell who put in even a smidgen of effort to try to look nice and be respectful and who didn’t. And having grown up without a lot of money, I can tell you right now that it doesn’t cost much to go to the thrift store to get something that looks even a little bit nice even if it’s not standard. The last funeral I went to, you could immediately tell which family members didn’t try at all and just showed up in sweat pants and tshirts. Those are the people I wouldn’t take to certain places. Id maybe take them to touristy places, but that’s about it.
I guess I usually do dress up somewhat for weddings and funerals but this makes me want to make it clear in my end affairs that I don’t care how people are dressed. I sorta get maybe why folks have wake and no funeral.
weddings in funerals
Interesting family you got there.
Gotta combine expenses and get the most out of your venue rental.
Granny’s funeral and Emma’s wedding two weeks apart? In this economy?
thanks. I edited it. I honestly have no idea how I do these types of things in my writing.
I mean, imagine how much time and mobey you’d save! You can bury grandpa at 3, and get married at 4! You only need to rent one space (perhaps redecorate a bit) and one cake, and the best part? Everyone is already there, so you don’t have to invite them again.
Plus, you don’t even need two outfits if you just get clothes that are black on the inside and another color on the outside, and then just turn them over! If you’re wearing a suit, all you have to do is change your black tie to another one.
Huh, my reaction is the opposite. While I don’t actually care, if you have no respect, can’t make any effort, why are you even there? I probably have loved ones who are upset and they don’t need your BS.
The party that started this thread is an entire different form of lack of respect, but respect my family or eff off
I guess it comes down to if you feel clothing is respect. Im a hippie type so for myself I don’t care for these things. As I said I do dress up because I realize the importance to other folks but I would rather folks be there if they want to be than meet a dress code to impress.
I’ve always found it very bizarre we equate wearing uncomfortable clothing with respect.
If my sweet hoodie means you won’t take me with you to cool places, that just makes my hoodie a better friend.
This is ofc a legit thing, could you call it a culture clash? But anyway, there are ways to approach that with more tact than the daughter in the screenshot :)
Honestly, that is just maturity. I read the daughter to be in their 20s and I hope they are because then I can excuse it. If they are in their 40s, we’ll then that is just sad. I certainly looked down on my poor family when I was younger, now that I am older I treat it more as a lesson of how far I have come with hard work and gratefulness for being able to escape it.
It may even be lack of self confidence. The daughter could be nervous about fitting in with the new family, and expressing that in an unhealthy way
I think I would be 100% on your side here if you indicated you noticed the extreme lack of tact on display in the post.
There’s plenty of good restaurants where you don’t have to look or act fancy. I’ve spent 1k on a meal without alcohol for my GF and I in a place where you fit in wearing jeans and a t-shirt and you can talk about whatever the fuck you want with your friends and nobody cares. You could make anyone discover tons of new types of foods without having them feel bad about who they are…
You embarrass me
Words uttered only by narcissists and parents
And every teenager on the planet. Granted teenagers are huge narcissists, but they are supposed to be.
Yeah that’s the phase where they learn about being covertly narcissistic instead of openly narcissistic :p
Nah, sometimes people actually act inappropriately. I had to point this out to my brother and his wife because they fight very aggressively in front of others. I don’t like apologizing to people because they witnessed this.
And then you let them know. You don’t need to provide that they embarrass you to do so
In this case I did because it was the only thing that got them to stop doing this.
Personally I dont get wanting to impress a bunch of capitalists and their families
This is the perfect time to dress fancy on the way in while smuggling in a bag of clothes. Change in the bathroom then come out in overalls, a dirty trucker cap, a “Marlboro Cigarettes” t shirt and workboots. “Too upscale?”
🤝
Still a bit too upscale, though. I was thinking, top to bottom:
- semi-transparent green sun visor
- really work on that mustache; if it’s too full, thin it out until it’s scraggly and wispy
- the Marlboro logo idea is great, but I think here you have to sacrifice to advertise that you’re “The Father of the Bride,” complete with printed bow-tie at the neck
- Cargo shorts
- Calf socks
- Sandals, but not Birkenstock! Make sure it’s a cheap brand
- Don’t forget a profusion of temporary tattoos on your calfs and arms! Extra points if they look poorly done and faded.
- you can get black teeth caps that make it look like you’re missing teeth. Don’t skimp on accessories!
And, most importantly: a fanny pack.
I’ll admit, it’s mixing metaphors a bit, but at this point you’re shooting for more than just looking poor; you’re aiming beyond sheer embarrassment. You need to attain complete mortification.
Why attend if you cannot be yourself? Why is the daughter embarrassed of who she is?
Honestly one of the things I’m grateful for, is having had both rich family and very poor family. The thing about actually rich people is they don’t care, in my experience they are pretty gracious as long as you are relaxed. Dress to the absolute minimum of what is required (I’ve gotten away with $20 dresses and good shoes and nobody batted an eye.)
If you can keep the clothes, get stuff you like, negotiate for a spa day, get your hair done, keep the style very, very simple and outshine them all! You can do it!
Or you could decline the invite, if you aren’t interested in a fancy dress ball.
Truly rich people just want you to be interesting. The nouveau riche, or wanna bes, are obsessed with crap like designer labels and cookie cutter luxury brands.
They want you to be normal and nice like anyone else
“Thank you for the offer but that doesn’t sound like something I would enjoy.”
I think this definitely reads way worse than it is. I grew up in small town Iowa, and most adults from my town would not handle upscale and fancy well. It would be like if I went to Buckingham and was expected to know proper etiquette.
This definitely has asshole phrasing, and probably is just a shitty person, but I can empathize with the core idea.
This was my impression. What to say may mean just proper etiquette, not lying about going to Aspen. I mean, the asshole wants to invite you to a party, buy you nice new clothes, and tell you how to blend in; it doesn’t sound like much of an asshole phrased that way.
invite you to a party
Okay, fine, but I don’t like most parties.
buy you nice new clothes
That I’ll wear once and donate.
and tell you how to blend in
No thanks, I like me.
I grew up poor in a fairly cosmopolitan city, and I still felt like I was going to crawl out of my own skin the first time I went to a slightly dressy business event. I have no fucks to give anymore, but back in the day, this would have probably been a fairly reasonable disaster preparedness plan if I had to be invited to something formal with a lot of social expectations that I was not familiar with.
It’s walking into a different culture, and while the hosts should be understanding, it can be reasonable to prepare someone who isn’t familiar with the culture before sending them in. Still, no need to be a dick about it.
You folks are way too mild with your criticism. “I’m so excited for this party, let’s go shopping for our outfits together! My boyfriend is even going all-out and offering fancy outfit budgets!” This works so much better, doesn’t embarrass the parent for not having the money to dress up in expensive clothes.
As for the rest, wanting your parents to “look the part”? WTF? The “part” is who they are, not trying to look like someone else! And keep in mind, this isn’t her wedding or knighthood ceremony or anything, it’s just a party thrown at a whim by a rich dude.
Lastly, if your parents are the type to genuinely embarrass you, it’s probably wise to not invite them. By the same token, if someone tells me “how to behave and what to say”, they can fuck all they way off. Unless it’s for a royal wedding. I will totally take etiquette classes if someone invites me!
Time to break out the straw hat and bib overalls.
Maybe even blacken a few teeth.
Careful, beat up work attire is now high fashion.
Man I would show up wearing muddy cowboy boots and a sleeveless shirt and refuse change clothes
Isnt that why theyd even have to buy you clothes and teach you how to act, in that case if I were them id feel better about saying that becuase you would prove my point
Honest to god I would probably, politely, decline the invitation.
Invite your own earthling friends and crash the party
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If at the very least he worded it as “they are rich people and they will judge you if you don’t behave like them” but this sounds wrong. But I do get it. But still I don’t really. But I kinda do.
Reminds me of my cousin. Her parents are lovely people, but they are not exactly… refined. Her dad in particular makes a first impression that I’d describe as a somewhat toned down Earnest P Worrell. And while he isn’t stupid he never learned a lot of important life skills and his past mistakes have have caused a fair amount of hardship, and that only fuels the resentment.
By the time she was in high school it was clear my cousin was ashamed to be associated with her family. She kept her home life and social life as far apart as possible, and she was always excited to spend time with members of our extended family that she saw as much more normal. (Especially funny to me since my mom made that list and I’ve seen that woman scratch herself with the cutlery while dining out). She was also pretty fucking rude to her parents, openly talking crap about them while they were in the room. Very shitty, but not exactly shocking for a teenager in her position.
Fast forward to today when my aunt and uncle own a hipstery restaurant, while my cousin got knocked up ended marrying a contractor / meth head.
